On Saturday morning, running late as usual, we rushed to get dressed in church-appropriate clothes and, unable to find any dress shoes that fit the girls, decided that flip flops would have to do.
M's teacher - a wonderful, enthusiastic and kind lady - was getting married at 11:00 on this beautiful, picture-perfect September day, and had thoughtfully invited her students to attend the ceremony. She'd spent much of the first quarter of school talking about her fiancee, weaving her own experiences into her writing lessons, and the class had even thrown a small party for her before track-out. We'd decided weeks before that it would be something special for the girls to attend and so on we went, getting out of the house at a respectable 10:20 - plenty of time, I assured my husband, to get downtown and park.
At 10:45 we found a space, parked, and walked across the street to the stone, Catholic church where other guests were waiting. One of Morgan's school friends was there with her mother. A woman in a pale yellow dress approached us and asked us if we were there for the wedding, to which we cheerfully replied "yes!" ... and were then met with the saddest news I have truly ever heard.
By now, many people may have heard about the Raleigh groom who was killed hours before his wedding. After all, it made national news. It is the kind of story that makes us all stop and shake our heads for the sheer senselessness of it.
Sadly, M's teacher was the bride.
How do you explain to a four- and a six-year-old who, just moments before were expecting to attend a wedding, that it was not to be? How does anyone react to this unbelievable, unthinkable news?
My husband, upon seeing that poor Ms. Taylor was there outside the church, took the girls around the corner to try to explain to them what had happened. He did not want them to see Ms. T, to say anything upsetting, or to remember her so sad. I attempted to compose myself, for all of us were crying now, to make some sense of what we had just been told, and at some point, found Ms. T and hugged her tightly, and then again. I will never forget the look on her face, the shock, the disbelief.
There was to be a memorial service, in place of the wedding ceremony. We learned later that Ms. T. had gallantly managed to speak to the crowd. We did not attend for the sake of the girls, for the sake of Ms. T. I recall seeing the teachers from school on the sidewalk in the distance - M's kindergarten teacher was there, as was the other track 1 first grade teacher who had the classroom right next door. And then they were gone, disappeared inside the church, and we walked back across the street to our car, numb from the sadness we all felt and still feel.
It is easy to dismiss the tabloidish headline news that CNN regularly posts to its site - the twice-convicted criminal whose bad deeds finally caught up with him, or the elderly person whose time had come in due course.
But it is nearly impossible to understand the terrible things that happen to the best people, and to continue to have faith. Our own faith has been tested many times through the years - family members that have met with tragic circumstances, good people left to deal with unfair things. It is the hardest thing about becoming an adult - learning that bad things happen to anyone, that none of us are immune.
My thoughts and, yes, my prayers, go out to Ms. T., and to her family, and her groom's family. I hope she heals, that this doesn't break her spirit. I hope God truly does have a plan, even in His apparent randomness. Perhaps it's in the lessons brought after the fact - the outpouring of human kindness from one person's sacrifice, for her story has touched so many of us here in the community, and has brought so many of us closer.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
NC Museum of Art and Other Rainy Day Things
The last two days have been rainy. Heck, this whole spring season has been rainy. I dare Greg Fischel or any of the other local weather people to utter the word 'drought'!"
Anyway, what to do with two kids on a rainy day to keep a mom from losing her mind?
Yesterday, we visited Triangle Town Center, wandering around the nearly deserted mall trying to keep occupied. We went to Cinnabon and shared a treat, then headed down to the Verizon kiosk so I could check out the phones and try for a second round of deciding which one I wanted to get. On to Claire's to check out their earrings (all Chinese-made and therefore nixed by me as an option), the fountain to throw pennies and make wishes, and finally, to Barnes and Noble to peruse the kids' books. Nothing exciting, but it kept the kids away from the television for a while and kept another hair on my head from turning gray.
Today, we had an eye appointment for M - she has 20/20 vision and a dark spot on her eyeball that is of little concern. Then to Michael's to pick up craft supplies for Father's Day, McDonald's for lunch, and on to the North Carolina Museum of Art.
Now, on Wednesdays, the art museum features a special event in the auditorium at 1:00 and although the website recommends buying tickets in advance, I did not do so, and paid the consequences - the show was sold out.
Add to this the mess that is the art museum grounds right now, and the scarcity of artwork and sculptures right now and I'd have to rate this option a solid D.
The museum grounds, including parking lots, are all sorts of torn up. They are building a new facility, started in 2006 and slated for completion in late 2009, open to the public in 2010. When it's done, it promises to be fabulous, with all sorts of great natural light to better showcase the museum's collections. But from the looks of it right now, it's a big mess. The only new buidings visible are some sort of boxy structures that look like large PODS storage cubes. And it seems that the museum has put away many of its exhibits as their just seemed to be nearly nothing on display. The American, Judaic, African, and Ancient American Galleries are closed, and only a small part of the Egyptian collection is on display.
The only saving grace was an arts and crafts area set up outside of the sold out auditorium. The girls enjoyed making south american breastplates out of construction paper, feathers, and beads, an idea meant to accompany today's presentation on birds of the rainforest.
Had the weather been dry, I would have let the girls explore the museum grounds on the other side of the building (the part NOT under construction), but it just wasn't an option this time around.
Though I'm sure the final version of the museum will eventually be fantastic, and I give credit to the folks over there for attempting to make the best of an unfortunate situation, it is simply not worth the drive all the way from Wake Forest (unless, of course, you are smart enough to buy tickets to the show in advance!)
So back home here in what is beginning to feel like Seattle, I am enjoying a cup of coffee and some toothpicks to prop my eyes open, the girls are watching - you guessed it - tv, and I am hoping, praying, for some sun tomorrow.
Now, if only that darned pool would finally open ...
Anyway, what to do with two kids on a rainy day to keep a mom from losing her mind?
Yesterday, we visited Triangle Town Center, wandering around the nearly deserted mall trying to keep occupied. We went to Cinnabon and shared a treat, then headed down to the Verizon kiosk so I could check out the phones and try for a second round of deciding which one I wanted to get. On to Claire's to check out their earrings (all Chinese-made and therefore nixed by me as an option), the fountain to throw pennies and make wishes, and finally, to Barnes and Noble to peruse the kids' books. Nothing exciting, but it kept the kids away from the television for a while and kept another hair on my head from turning gray.
Today, we had an eye appointment for M - she has 20/20 vision and a dark spot on her eyeball that is of little concern. Then to Michael's to pick up craft supplies for Father's Day, McDonald's for lunch, and on to the North Carolina Museum of Art.
Now, on Wednesdays, the art museum features a special event in the auditorium at 1:00 and although the website recommends buying tickets in advance, I did not do so, and paid the consequences - the show was sold out.
Add to this the mess that is the art museum grounds right now, and the scarcity of artwork and sculptures right now and I'd have to rate this option a solid D.
The museum grounds, including parking lots, are all sorts of torn up. They are building a new facility, started in 2006 and slated for completion in late 2009, open to the public in 2010. When it's done, it promises to be fabulous, with all sorts of great natural light to better showcase the museum's collections. But from the looks of it right now, it's a big mess. The only new buidings visible are some sort of boxy structures that look like large PODS storage cubes. And it seems that the museum has put away many of its exhibits as their just seemed to be nearly nothing on display. The American, Judaic, African, and Ancient American Galleries are closed, and only a small part of the Egyptian collection is on display.
The only saving grace was an arts and crafts area set up outside of the sold out auditorium. The girls enjoyed making south american breastplates out of construction paper, feathers, and beads, an idea meant to accompany today's presentation on birds of the rainforest.
Had the weather been dry, I would have let the girls explore the museum grounds on the other side of the building (the part NOT under construction), but it just wasn't an option this time around.
Though I'm sure the final version of the museum will eventually be fantastic, and I give credit to the folks over there for attempting to make the best of an unfortunate situation, it is simply not worth the drive all the way from Wake Forest (unless, of course, you are smart enough to buy tickets to the show in advance!)
So back home here in what is beginning to feel like Seattle, I am enjoying a cup of coffee and some toothpicks to prop my eyes open, the girls are watching - you guessed it - tv, and I am hoping, praying, for some sun tomorrow.
Now, if only that darned pool would finally open ...
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Fishing at Falls Lake
Went to the Rolling View recreational area at Falls Lake today with the girls. My husband and I had been out there last week while the girls were at their grandparents. We wanted to discover whether there were actually any fish to be caught, before bringing M and G.
There were, and so we went today, buckets of worms in hand, two old surf rods, and one pink and blue Barbie rod. (There should have been two, but one has disappeared into the abyss otherwise known as our yard, leading to a rather frustrated lesson on responsibility that should be a subject for another post).
There are many recreational spots along Falls Lake, near Raleigh, in which to fish, swim, or boat. I am not much of a lake swimmer (prefer the ocean, thanks!) and we don't own a boat, but the fishing is pretty good so there's that. Rolling View is up off of Highway 98 toward Durham, offers camping sites, a little marina, and hiking trails. We paid our $5 entrance fee and made our way to the fishing pier we'd found before - a nice little spot with a pretty view of the lake.
Upon arriving, we discovered the girls had failed to put on shoes before leaving the house. That's what you get for giving your kids a little leeway in the planning department. Luckily, we hadn't planned on hiking and so barefoot they went down to the fishing pier. We ate our picnic lunch, baited the slimy worms on the hooks, and proceeded to catch many, many fish! G was first, and the size of the fish got bigger the more she talked about it.
All in all, we caught probably 15 or 20 little bluegills before deciding to call it a day. Still can't decide if the fishing or the Chips Ahoy cookies were the bigger attraction. Nevertheless, the girls finally got to fish, something they'd been begging for since they got their rods at Christmas. And though I hate how fast time goes by, there's something to be said for having them be a little bit older - they can easily handle this sort of activity now. No one got hooked, no rods ended up in the water, no kids ended up in the water.
Who knows. Perhaps with a little more practice, they'll be ready to do some offshore angling in the future!
There were, and so we went today, buckets of worms in hand, two old surf rods, and one pink and blue Barbie rod. (There should have been two, but one has disappeared into the abyss otherwise known as our yard, leading to a rather frustrated lesson on responsibility that should be a subject for another post).
There are many recreational spots along Falls Lake, near Raleigh, in which to fish, swim, or boat. I am not much of a lake swimmer (prefer the ocean, thanks!) and we don't own a boat, but the fishing is pretty good so there's that. Rolling View is up off of Highway 98 toward Durham, offers camping sites, a little marina, and hiking trails. We paid our $5 entrance fee and made our way to the fishing pier we'd found before - a nice little spot with a pretty view of the lake.
Upon arriving, we discovered the girls had failed to put on shoes before leaving the house. That's what you get for giving your kids a little leeway in the planning department. Luckily, we hadn't planned on hiking and so barefoot they went down to the fishing pier. We ate our picnic lunch, baited the slimy worms on the hooks, and proceeded to catch many, many fish! G was first, and the size of the fish got bigger the more she talked about it.
All in all, we caught probably 15 or 20 little bluegills before deciding to call it a day. Still can't decide if the fishing or the Chips Ahoy cookies were the bigger attraction. Nevertheless, the girls finally got to fish, something they'd been begging for since they got their rods at Christmas. And though I hate how fast time goes by, there's something to be said for having them be a little bit older - they can easily handle this sort of activity now. No one got hooked, no rods ended up in the water, no kids ended up in the water.
Who knows. Perhaps with a little more practice, they'll be ready to do some offshore angling in the future!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Free Range Kids
Some time ago, a woman made national news headlines when she wrote about allowing her nine-year-old son to ride the New York subway alone. Lenore Skenazy, a writer, gave her son a map, some cash, and some subway tokens, dropped him off some distance away, and challenged him to find his way home on his own. It was something her son had been wanting to try, and she felt something he would be able to handle. He made it home fine, by the way.
Her philosophy is this - kids today have far less freedom than kids who grew up pre-1990, and it's creating a generation of people who are incapable of the simplest tasks, incapable of figuring out on their own how to solve a problem. She blames an overabundance of national news that makes it seem as though our world is far more dangerous place now, and the 24-hour news cycle that bombards us with all sorts of horrible things that are happening to people around the world.
In reality, she says, crime statistics point to a crime rate that is as low now as it was in 1970. We are as safe now as we were then, despite all of the horrors we hear about daily!
It's an interesting movement, one that I am apt to subscribe to. I believe our job as parents is to prepare our children for the world, little by little. How else to do this than by giving them increasing amounts of freedom concurrent with their proving they can handle it, and with our teaching them how to handle various situations as well.
I have personally witnessed the degradation of freedom afforded to kids during this time in our history. Many of the people who commented on Ms. Skenazy's website have said that they, as kids, had all sorts of freedom, from taking public transit all over the large cities in which they lived, to flying alone across country to see relatives. They all consider themselves stronger, more independent people as a result. They cite hours spent exploring with friends, getting into and out of trouble, learning by experience. To be sure, some of them commented on predators they encountered along the way but most seemed to feel that they were able to handle those situations better and with some common sense because of the independence they'd been given from an early age. They learned to rely on their instincts and they knew what to do.
As a kid, I rode my bike all over my neighborhood in suburban Maryland. I was out of the house from morning until night, playing with my friends in various yards. We had tremendous freedom and lots of time and imagination. None of the parents I knew had the time or desire to personally supervise us. When I was very young, we lived in an apartment complex just outside of Washington, D.C. and my mother often sent me down the street to collect the mail or take the rent check to the office. My sister and I knew how to walk to the High's store and buy milk if our mom needed it. To be sure, she watched us from the balcony of the apartment, and she always knew roughly where we were. But for kids, It is independence that is unheard of today.
Today, I know people who have a twelve-year-old son who wasn't allowed to ride his bike out of their cul-de-sac until a year ago. I know many, many people who won't allow their kids to play alone in their own yard unsupervised, or take the bus for fear of putting their kids' safety in someone else's hands. In the context of how we lived years ago, this seems crazy! Yet somehow we've gotten to this point where helicopter parenting has so gradually become the norm, that we don't even realize it might be a bad thing.
And the problem, too, is, even if I allow my kids to play freely, to ride their bikes out of my sight when they get a bit older, who will they play with? Because no one I know would ever allow their kids to do the same. And what about law enforcement, which doesn't seem to know quite what to do with a kid found wandering by themselves, since it's so unheard of anymore? Are we headed toward a time when we aren't allowed to let our kids have any freedom, or when legislators decide to enact laws determining an appropriate legal age? It's not out of the realm. A law is making its way through the NC legislature right now that dictates when it is and is not okay to leave your child in a car unsupervised. In many ways, legislators are acting like the helicopter parents that this movement ultimately targets - it doesn't trust us as individuals to make the right decision and so it attempts, more and more, to limit our freedom.
As I said, it's an interesting movement, one I plan on following in the coming weeks and months in an effort to, as always, do the best I can to prepare my kids for the world. I'm not saying I'm completely on board with it - the idea of letting young kids go makes me as nervous as any parent, and I would never forgive myself if anything bad were to happen. But as Dory said to Marlin in the incredibly popular Finding Nemo (that I've seen too many times to count), it's a funny thing to not want to let anything happen to your kids. You can't foresee every bad thing that could happen and there's no way you can protect against all of the possibilities. Besides, If nothing ever happened, what fun would that be anyway?
For more information, you can visit the blog at http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/
Her philosophy is this - kids today have far less freedom than kids who grew up pre-1990, and it's creating a generation of people who are incapable of the simplest tasks, incapable of figuring out on their own how to solve a problem. She blames an overabundance of national news that makes it seem as though our world is far more dangerous place now, and the 24-hour news cycle that bombards us with all sorts of horrible things that are happening to people around the world.
In reality, she says, crime statistics point to a crime rate that is as low now as it was in 1970. We are as safe now as we were then, despite all of the horrors we hear about daily!
It's an interesting movement, one that I am apt to subscribe to. I believe our job as parents is to prepare our children for the world, little by little. How else to do this than by giving them increasing amounts of freedom concurrent with their proving they can handle it, and with our teaching them how to handle various situations as well.
I have personally witnessed the degradation of freedom afforded to kids during this time in our history. Many of the people who commented on Ms. Skenazy's website have said that they, as kids, had all sorts of freedom, from taking public transit all over the large cities in which they lived, to flying alone across country to see relatives. They all consider themselves stronger, more independent people as a result. They cite hours spent exploring with friends, getting into and out of trouble, learning by experience. To be sure, some of them commented on predators they encountered along the way but most seemed to feel that they were able to handle those situations better and with some common sense because of the independence they'd been given from an early age. They learned to rely on their instincts and they knew what to do.
As a kid, I rode my bike all over my neighborhood in suburban Maryland. I was out of the house from morning until night, playing with my friends in various yards. We had tremendous freedom and lots of time and imagination. None of the parents I knew had the time or desire to personally supervise us. When I was very young, we lived in an apartment complex just outside of Washington, D.C. and my mother often sent me down the street to collect the mail or take the rent check to the office. My sister and I knew how to walk to the High's store and buy milk if our mom needed it. To be sure, she watched us from the balcony of the apartment, and she always knew roughly where we were. But for kids, It is independence that is unheard of today.
Today, I know people who have a twelve-year-old son who wasn't allowed to ride his bike out of their cul-de-sac until a year ago. I know many, many people who won't allow their kids to play alone in their own yard unsupervised, or take the bus for fear of putting their kids' safety in someone else's hands. In the context of how we lived years ago, this seems crazy! Yet somehow we've gotten to this point where helicopter parenting has so gradually become the norm, that we don't even realize it might be a bad thing.
And the problem, too, is, even if I allow my kids to play freely, to ride their bikes out of my sight when they get a bit older, who will they play with? Because no one I know would ever allow their kids to do the same. And what about law enforcement, which doesn't seem to know quite what to do with a kid found wandering by themselves, since it's so unheard of anymore? Are we headed toward a time when we aren't allowed to let our kids have any freedom, or when legislators decide to enact laws determining an appropriate legal age? It's not out of the realm. A law is making its way through the NC legislature right now that dictates when it is and is not okay to leave your child in a car unsupervised. In many ways, legislators are acting like the helicopter parents that this movement ultimately targets - it doesn't trust us as individuals to make the right decision and so it attempts, more and more, to limit our freedom.
As I said, it's an interesting movement, one I plan on following in the coming weeks and months in an effort to, as always, do the best I can to prepare my kids for the world. I'm not saying I'm completely on board with it - the idea of letting young kids go makes me as nervous as any parent, and I would never forgive myself if anything bad were to happen. But as Dory said to Marlin in the incredibly popular Finding Nemo (that I've seen too many times to count), it's a funny thing to not want to let anything happen to your kids. You can't foresee every bad thing that could happen and there's no way you can protect against all of the possibilities. Besides, If nothing ever happened, what fun would that be anyway?
For more information, you can visit the blog at http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/
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